42-year-old recent divorcee gets ghosted after dating for the first time in 21 years, other elder millennials and Gen X chime in with advice and encouragement: ‘Hang in there!’

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Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Apr 25, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Dating is an emotional roller coaster at any age. From the first time, to many years of it, dating always has a curve ball ready to throw at you. It gets even harder if you are going back into dating after being in a relationship for decades. In this case, this also usually includes a divorce, which can be very messy and stressful. So now you have to figure out dating again and go through all of the processes of a divorce. It sounds scary and daunting, but it's not impossible! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to embrace that you are starting from square one again. That means you are not going to know the ways of dating like you used to. 20 years ago-dating is very different than modern dating. I mean, there are dating apps now, when before you had to write numbers down in your phonebook and call the landline. 

 

One recent divorce came to reddit to vent and what he got in return was advice and encouragement! 

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  • Welcome to the world of dating after marriage! It's a whole new ball game. It's like having to relearn how to walk. It will be hard at first, and you will definitely fall down a few times, but eventually, you will figure it out and find that special someone who makes you happy. The best advice we can give you—and, apparently, that the internet can give you—is to first date yourself after a divorce. Sounds cliché, but how can you date if you can't even date yourself. See what others in similar situations have to say about it below! 

  • Cheezburger Image 10497213184
    via Michael Tucker

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "Rough introduction to modern dating."

    I'm 42 years old next month, and had my first date on Sunday. I was married for 21 years, and my wife and I came together through friends so we never really dated, except for the matrimonially mandated date nights. Our marriage
    via BelchMeister
  • deteriorated over the last 10 years, but our daughter, finances and stubbornness kept us together. Finally, one month ago, I officially left to live on my own for the first time in my life. I tried meeting people by going out by myself or with groups, but never really made any connections. So with easter
    via BelchMeister
  • weekend coming up, I thought I'd try out Bumble, just to maybe have someone to go out and do things with. I had no prospects for a while, then suddenly I had two dates lined up in as many days, with two different women. I was losing sleep with excitement.
    via BelchMeister
  • The first date I had invited to join me and a group of hikers. doing a 12km loop around the wetlands on Saturday morning. She never showed up. I got a message on Bumble half and hour in saying "Apologies, I slept in. Enjoy your walk". I haven't trusted myself to reply to her yet.
    via BelchMeister
  • The second date I invited to the museum on Sunday. We walked around the exhibits for like 3 hours then had lunch at a bar. I thought it went well, she thanked me and I said we would have to do something else sometime. By the time I got home she had ended the chat on Bumble, which means I can't see or send any messages or her profile anymore at all.
    via BelchMeister
  • I'm stoic enough to not let these experiences turn me into a bitter, reclusive curmudgeon, but it hurts to have my excitement and positivity so casually doused.
    via BelchMeister
  • Cheezburger Image 10497223680
    via Unsplash+ (and Ivan Benets)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Maleficent-Throat910 Welcome to the club. I've gone through all the same stuff. I'm 51 and out of a 27 year relationship. Both your 1st dates were way too long. Just go for a coffee. Don't be too aggressive but try to get a coffee date with in the 1st few days of chatting.
    via Maleficent-Throat910
  • 1st meetup is basically a meet and greet to decide if you want continue to see this person.
    via Maleficent-Throat910
  • Big_Funisher 100%. 60min maximum for first dates, try to make it under that limit. Make other plans after your scheduled date if necessary so you stick to it. If it's not a good fit for either party, it will be easier to navigate, conversely if there is good chemistry it will leave you both excited and wanting more. Those experiences OP is describing aren't really even 'dates' IMO, those are things you do with someone you're already in a relationship with.
    via Big_Funisher
  • I'm 42 years old next month, and had my first date on Sunday. I was married for 21 years, and my wife and I came together through friends so we never really dated, except for the matrimonially mandated date nights. Our marriage
    via Wise*utt98
  • ZoneLow6872 Here's my take: you have been in a relationship with 1 woman longer in your life than you've been without her. It's been decades since you dated anyone else, since you had time for yourself. And you moved out a MONTH ago and have already jumped back in? I really think you need some time to process and reflect. This seems like you don't want to have any feels so you are intent on finding a bed-warmer ASAP, to distract you.
    via ZoneLow6872
  • The dates you planned were RIDICULOUSLY long. I had to Google how many miles that was (I'm a dumb American, sorry) and was like, the first time you see this person, you are going to be trapped in the wilds for miles and miles? My guy, no. The 2nd one was too long, also.
    via ZoneLow6872
  • In my personal opinion, you need to back off dating for a bit. You do come off as desperate. Also: this is your time now. Who are you, when you aren't ex's husband? What hobbies interest you, things you wanted to try or places you wanted to see but you couldn't because it wasn't a priority when you were married? Have you thought about seeing a therapist to grieve the end of your marriage? Maybe they can help you realize a few things about yourself.
    via ZoneLow6872
  • Take the next 6 months to just sit with your new existence. If you want a hook-up, go for it, but I really don't think that you are in the right headspace to attract a ltr that you would want. Do you really want to be tied down to another woman 10 minutes after you left the last one, or would you like to see some things and have some experiences before you settle down in a relationship? Put the inner work in now so you get what you want later.
    via ZoneLow6872
  • Cheezburger Image 10497227264
    via Unsplash+ (and Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Bagman220 I'm mid 30s with the kids nearly full time. Been going through divorce nearly 8 months and finally tried a little dating. No complaints about the dating scene from my point of view. Although 30s is maybe easier to date rather than 40s? My only issue is that I almost always have my kids, so I just don't have the time to date as often.
    via Bagman220
  • pipesbeweezy In the nicest way possible, you're emotionally stunted likely by the lack of relationship experience beyond your marriage (which sounds like given it basically was barely together for a decade its not like you grew during that time, either). It's exceedingly normal to go on several dates or even one time meet ups that go nowhere until you click with someone. When someone likes you, its
    via pipesbeweezy
  • pretty obvious because it will be one of those both of you wont be able to get enough of each other. But also it's entirely possible you're giving off a vibe as a newly divorced/single guy as now you have a void to fill and you're eager to do so ASAP. This probably comes off desperate even if you don't think it does.
    via pipesbeweezy
  • You need to wildly manage your expectations and would probably benefit from therapy to work on and discuss some of these things. But mostly, you should take the time to get comfortable with yourself, finding things you like and care about that you can do with yourself. Or work on developing friends and expanding those networks. By doing these things,
    via pipesbeweezy
  • you'll probably not come off as desperate for companionship, and it will make rejection much easier to tolerate. Sometimes rejection is about you, lots of times it's not for various reasons. But if you're already starting down this path it's gonna easily careen into bitter angry town if you don't take a step back and see where it's going.
    via pipesbeweezy

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